I've always been very open with my mental health. I am someone who will talk about my problems until (I think) they go away. So let me give you a little bit of a backstory. This semester has been, by far, my favorite time in college. Diving into my major and really getting hands on with WVU News has been the experience of a life time but the beginning wasn't as smooth sailing. I was constantly anxious. I held myself to such a high standard and if I wasn't up holding that standard I was tearing my self down with continuous, negative, racing thoughts. I finally hit my breaking point when I was awake all night with a pounding heart, back and shoulder aches, and racing thoughts, over something that was out of my control. It was in this moment that I realized I needed some extra help. While this was so hard to admit, ever since I feel like I have grown stronger and stronger, and I'm realizing I am more than my anxiety.
I mentioned in my last post how amazing Frozen 2 was and that my favorite song from the movie was Into the Unknown(If you haven't listened to it yet, please do its a master piece). Naturally, after leaving the theatre I was BLASTING this song over and over, I couldn't stop listening to it because I loved it so much. Like this was actually me for DAYS.
As I listened to the song for like the 400th time, I started to memorize the lyrics. And when I really started to listen to them, there were a handful of lines that really spoke to me. I've been working so hard this semester to overcome my anxiety and theres lyrics in this song that reflect my thoughts on fighting the negative thoughts I have when my anxiety heightens.
Here are some of my favorite lines:
"I can hear you but I won't, Some look for trouble while others don't"
This line to me reflects the negative thoughts that run through my mind and choosing to refuse that what I am telling myself when I'm anxious is true.
"There's a thousand reasons I should go about my day and ignore your whispers which I wish would go away"
I have so many blessings in my life, a thousand reasons smile every hour. I try to convince myself of things that just aren't true when I get anxious which is so frustrating and I just wish it would stop.
"You're not a voice, you're just a ringing in my ear"
The only person who can hear the voice inside my head is me, I am the one who will make it go away.
"What do you want? 'Cause you've been keeping me awake. Are you here to distract me so I make a big mistake?"
When I had my worst anxiety attack, I was up all night with racing thoughts, distracting me from how I was going to fix the issue.
"Every day's a little harder as I feel your power grow"
As I felt the thoughts of my anxiety grow more and more, things got harder to do with the constant nag of "you're not good enough" in the back of my mind. But every day as gotten easier as I've felt my OWN power grow.
So when all these thoughts came to be, I took it to twitter. After my friend Maddy came across my theory, she went ahead and listened to the song again with the same mindset as me. Ever since, her and I have had detailed conversations about comparing Into the Unknown to fighting mental illness. She says that the Unknown, is our our minds. These were some of her favorite lyrics to compare with.
"“Everyone I’ve ever loved is here within these walls, I’m sorry secret sirin but I’m blocking out your calls”
Being able to block the anxiety & depression when you have people around you that you love
“Where are you going, don’t leave me alone”
I really loved what Maddy said about this lyric. To sum it up, she was on a variety of meds and eventually ended up on one where she was un motivated to do anything. While taking this medication she missed the anxious thoughts because they kept her motivated. She said " I wasn’t at a happy medium, I was just not myself, and I remember thinking as much as I hate these anxious thoughts I want them back because it at least gave me a push to do things"
While comparing my struggle with anxiety with a Disney song sounds so silly, it has really helped and motivated me to keep fighting, especially with the end of the semester and so much pressure to finish strong. Anxiety sucks, and I know I don't have the worst of it. Struggling with a mental illness is so frustrating because youre literally fighting with yourself. But the leaps and strides I've made this semester is something I'm truly proud of. If you're struggling with mental health just remember that it is okay, to not be okay. You are not alone and so many people are out there to help.
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